Okay, I am upset, so I figure rather than sit and stew over it I will get it off my chest.
Warning: This is a journal about homosexuality. About support for homosexuality. And about criticism for the judgment of homosexuality that I find so, SO frustrating. So if you do not want to deal with this topic, click away.
So, let's say that I don't think people should be attracted to redheads. I personally am attracted to brunettes, and do not understand why anyone would ever fancy a redhead. I think relationships with redheads are wrong. In fact, when I am forced to deal with people fancying redheads, it makes me uncomfortable. But! I am not a hater! Even though I think it is sinful and wrong to like a redhead, and even though I don't believe in marriage to redheads, I do not hate those of you that like redheads. I am going to be respectful, because your choices are none of my business. So please be respectful to me, and to the fact that I think it is wrong.
I imagine that, if I were to say things like this, I would get responses along the lines of, "That's not fair, people can't control what hair color they are attracted to! Just because you only like brunettes doesn't mean everyone else can only like brunettes! No one's forcing YOU to be with a redhead! People don't have a say in what physical characteristics they fancy or fall in love with!"
Yeah. See where I'm going with this?
Because if today, almost 2015, we were to tell heterosexual people what they were and were not allowed to be attracted to in the opposite sex, it would be a problem. And oh believe me, I realize that in a lot of subtle, not-so-subtle, underhanded awful ways we are still shamed against or encouraged toward certain characteristics. I don't at all believe that we are out of the hot water on that one! But, that is a topic for another day. Point is, if we were to openly, boldly, tell the heterosexual world that nobody should like a certain type of person, and that doing so was wrong, it wouldn't fly. If a politician or religious speaker were to make a public statement that the "life choice" of being with redheads was wrong, there would be some outrage.
So when I see somebody putting it into the world that they do not agree with homosexuality, that they believe it is wrong and sinful, that they don't believe in gay marriage, but that hey(!), they are being respectful of all the wrongness, so don't they deserve some respect(?), it makes me upset.
And yes, I will be respectful, but I will say that this is part of the problem. Yes, perhaps not the loud, cruel, obviously hateful and judgmental part. But the subtle, quiet, cowardly, knife-twisting part that tells society that it is okay to undermine the way somebody is because you don't like it.
You don't HAVE to like it! Nobody is making you be with a redhead! Nobody is forcing you to go against who you are! So why are you telling other people that who THEY are is wrong?
I am a heterosexual woman. Soon, I am going to marry the man I love. I will become his wife, tie my life to his, and we will not only enjoy the amazing feeling of our union to each other, but also all the benefits our society imparts upon married people. I think love is an astonishing, incomprehensibly beautiful thing. I think love is the answer to the problems in the world. Be it romantic love or the love between friends and family, or the love one pours out just in the act of accepting and supporting other people, it is our solution. And it makes me so sad to see people criticizing other people for not loving the way they do. I feel that all types of love should be encouraged.
And, to take a brief dip into another uncomfortable topic, I feel that ALL sexuality, so long as it is consensual, is beautiful!
And when I think about all of the people who feel the same kind of deep love for each other that I feel with my soon-to-be husband, it breaks my heart that many will not be able to enjoy the union of marriage, the recognition from society that they are rightful partners, and the benefits of that recognition.
And no, I do not believe that everyone SHOULD strive for marriage. It is not a mandatory state for couples to find themselves in, if it is not what they desire. But the point is that there are so many that DO desire it, who are denied, simply because they like a different hair color than what people are COMFORTABLE with.
I promise I will wrap this up soon and stop with my ranting.
The other thing that upset me was the insinuation that who you are attracted to is a life choice. This, I think, will be the back and forth debate of homosexuality for a long, long time, I know we have all heard the choice vs. not-a-choice argument countless times already. But, again, you don't choose what hair color you find attractive. You don't choose what personality you like. You don't choose what sorts of hobbies and quirks and traits you find endearing. Yes, I know for a solid fact that I like someone who is intelligent and makes it a priority to be a gentleman. But there was never one moment where I sat down and said, "Okay, self, it's time to decide, do I like polite men or rude men?" I know that one seems like a no-brainer, but I guess what I am attempting to do is break it down into the tiny simple things that are so easy to understand. I love my fiance. I am attracted to him because he has dark hair, because he has a broad build, because for whatever reason I find the layout of his face to be pleasing. I have feelings for him because he is sweet to me, and funny, and cares about how I feel, and because we have a good time together. I never once made a conscious choice to like and be attracted to these things. I just do. I just am.
No, I am not attracted to other women. And I will readily admit that I can't quite understand being attracted to another woman. Because I am straight. Just like I am sure homosexual women don't quite understand being attracted to a man. That's okay. We don't have to empathize with each other. But I don't think it is too much to hope that we can all sympathize with each other. Because I can understand loving someone. I can even just understand basic attraction to someone else. I know what it is like to want somebody, and to want to be near them and share their space, and to want for that person to be around always. And that understanding is enough for me to hope and pray that one day all people will have to freedom to tie themselves to one another in whatever way they choose. So long as every party involved is happy and consenting, who am I to tell someone they are wrong just because they were made differently than me?
People still insist that someone chooses to be gay. Well, ask any heterosexual person when they chose to be straight.
Ask any person when they chose to like redheads, or brunettes, or blondes, or rainbows.
Ask any person when they sat down and programmed their bodies on what they like or don't like.
Just let people love each other.
Just please realize that honest, consensual love between people is never, ever, wrong.